One Day at a Time

Did we believe that we would arrive at our first full year all together still? After the 'Big Change' in January, none of us dared to even consider that possibility. But you survived...we all have. For that, we are truly thankful. It never gets easy. The long goodbye can seem too difficult to bare at times. But we all get through it the way we are taught in AA...One day at a time. At times I'm not cheerful, or talkative, or even present. I stay cloistered downstairs much of the time, working, planning, trying to stay positive. But what I am beginning to understand is, the best way to stay positive is to live whatever life I have left away from my self-made "dungeon." Sometimes that means leaving a note and saying "Don't wait up--please call if you need me!" I wish you had that option, too. I wish you could come and go as you please. I wish you were free of this prison. But...at least you have the warm sunlight coming through the windows and the aromas coming from the kitchen and the sounds of children playing...as you watch the seasons change.

Castle in the Sand

"Wait a minute," I said. I went into your room and came out with your little recorder. I pressed the red Play button: "Now...please continue." You chuckled. Then you told me about your Summer of '42 at Castle Park. You and Flora Jean. You said you even cooked dinner for William Howard Taft's nephew. I never get tired of that story. Sleep now. Go back to those happy days...

Sonny's Pharmacy

Birthday

It was my birthday Monday. I said I wanted to go to the casino because I knew you would like that. You enjoyed everything about the day--you even said you didn't mind the smell of the manure that had just been spread on the surrounding farms. We all laughed. It was a good day.

Good day, Sunday.

Sandy gave you a bath and made some nice pork chops and fried squash from Sarah's garden. I wrote the dinner menu on the message board to make you smile...you did. After dinner we played Sequence while we listened to the oldies on the radio. You & I swept all three games. You said, "I need to get back to the casino while I'm still hot!" It's a date.

Wednesday 7/19

Chase watched you as Sonny helped you into your chair today. "Is Gramma sick?" he asked.  "Yes...a little," I said.  He stared at you for a long time. I watched his eyes.  He was trying to process this thing called "old."  He then walked over to you and handed you his car. 

7/16/17. Sunday morning. Yesterday you asked Sandy what you should do. She wept. You sense the end is near. You long for it. You ask God for it. He seems to be listening. I miss you already. Chase will miss you. I don't know how I'm going to explain it to him when he can't see you anymore. I really don't understand it myself. Time is fleeting. So much to say. So little time. Rest for now.